Unleash YourSelf

Is Your Relationship Suffering From The Big Lie?

This morning as I entered the Agape sanctuary I was slightly bummed to discover Michael Beckwith was out of town – my soul was looking forward to hearing his passionate voice. However, my disappointment turned to delicious excitement as it was announced that Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book) would be our guest speaker I LOVE this man’s work and now I was going to get to hear him speak – woohooooo!!!

I found him to be an amazing messenger of love. I am inspired to bring his message to you, my peeps, in hopes of enriching you and your relationship.

So, let’s start with an invitation – Will you help me change your relationship?

The relationship you have with your mate starts with the relationship you have with yourself… Each of us is an angel with a unique message to give to the world.

So what is the message you deliver to yourself and then your love? Is your message clouded by the voice in your head that is judging and running your life?

Most people have a conflicted tape running in their head - what is truth vs. what is lies. The biggest lie is that we are not perfect. So if you feel “less than” what message are you giving your partner? How is this affecting the giving and receiving between the two of you?

For a healthy coupling we need to love ourselves first because we cannot give what we don’t have and it's not fair to look to someone else to give this to us.

Here are some simple truths to live by:

• All my happiness depends on me.

• I am responsible for the decisions and choices I make.

• I don’t blame anyone for where I’m at and what’s happened to me in my life.

• It’s time for forgiveness and letting go.

• Right here, right now, I live in gratitude.

It is impossible to change another person…but how inspiring to change yourself and then watch the dynamics of your relationship change as you begin to love yourself.

So...will you please help me change your relationship?

Relationship Advice: Dear Sparkle....

Dear Sparkle,

I have lost connection with my boyfriend, how can I reconnect with him?

Thanks...Lonely in Loveland

 

Dear Lonely in Loveland,

Thank you for your question…not knowing your current status I am going to base my answer on the assumption you are still in a relationship with your boyfriend but feeling disconnected.

First of all when men get in a comfortable space they feel free to get back to their life – not giving you the attention they first did to “win” your heart. This doesn’t mean they’ve lost interest it just means...

 they feel safe to go off and focus on other things. He may not be giving you the compliments he was initially, touching you as often, or making you feel “special.” Women tend to interpret this behavior as disconnected. 

Another scenario is that you have BOTH gotten comfortable and are giving more attention to your own needs and ambitions – forgetting to water your garden.

Either way you sense a distance and as women we are very sensitive to this shift in energy. But rather than focus on the lack you are experiencing I suggest you try one of these three tips to reconnect:

Romantic Ideas: 3 Tips to Create Love & Romance Instantly

Hey Girlfriends, these romantic ideas will help you easily create a luscious "mood" for your love life! The fastest way to create ambiance for a romantic rendez-vous is lovely, low, lighting. The following 3 tips will give you some simple, inexpensive ways to change an ordinary bedroom into a sensual boudoir as well as make you look like a goddess.

Tip #1 – Switch out those old boring white light bulbs in the bedroom with some fabulous & fun red ones.  Like magic, their glow erases all sins on the body! Your skin will look amazing – soft, tone and alluring. This is a very inexpensive way to not only create a romantic mood but make you look incredible too - you are going to LOVE the colored hue on your skin!

Tip #2 – softly lit sconces on the wall add warmth and romance in an upscale way. Shadows created on the walls and ceiling add depth and mystery to the room. An easy addition to any bedroom, they will definitely set the mood for intimacy.

Tip #3 - Candles placed around the room screams romance. Include a variety of different shapes and sizes for more interest and throw in some candelabra's for intrigue. The soft flickering of light not only makes you look younger, but also instantly gives you the glow of a feminine and warm goddess.

If you follow any of these three tried and true tips you will surely be setting the scene for some sensual romance. Low lighting sets the mood quicker than anything else – creating intimacy instantly and making you look like an enchantress. 

Relationship Advice: Dear Sparkle....

It was suggested that I start a weekly column for my readers a short while ago and I instantly fell in love with the idea. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and my blog seems the perfect forum to answer all of your burning relationship questions.  

So every week I will take one of my subscriber questions and give my best success strategies on how to resolve your issue. Let’s get started girls!

 Dear Sparkle,

 Taking things slow is the biggest challenge I face right now with my love life – any suggestions? Thanks, 

Ready For Love

   When we’ve met the one we think is “the one,” we want things to go at lightning speed, we want to be together every spare second and uplevel quickly. If you’re engaged after a month you definitely want to slow it down and if it isn’t moving as fast as you would like it to, trust me, that could be a good thing, depending on how long you’ve been together..

Not knowing how long you’ve been in your relationship puts me at a bit of a disadvantage- but if it’s less than two years be thankful it’s going slowly. Why the 2- year benchmark? Because, it takes a good 2-years for the masks to drop and the shadows to begin to show.  

The first year everyone is having a party – it’s so great to be in la la Loveland isn’t it? The pheramones (what makes you crazy for each other) are at peak production, your diet is each other, and you make all sorts of torrid promises while under the spell of this lusty love. But think about it,

Breakup Advice: Ask Any Question You Want!

FREE Call - on May 12th @ 6pm PST  I will be hosting an Ask Campaign with my good friend, author Lisa Steadman, where you can ask her ANYTNING about a breakup.

Although relationship endings is not the focus of this blog, I know we are in turbulent times which can adversely affect our relationships. So when Lisa told me she was about to launch her new book, It's a Breakup Not a Breakdown Workbook, I thought it would be a great idea to do an Ask Campaign with her to help any of you who might be experiencing a change in your love life.

So, for those of you with a heavy heart going thru a breakup, what question would you ask to relieve your sadness? What question would you ask to help you move forward? What question would you ask to help you know that a beautiful future awaits you?

I invite you to join the Ask Lisa Steadman campaign and ask Lisa YOUR questions about how to heal your heart after a breakup and reinvent a fabulous future. Just enter your burning breakup question on this page and you will be sent the dial in details. You will also be directed to a page where you can claim your free chapter of Lisa's new book.

I hope you can join us live! If not, you can listen to the replay and see if  Lisa answered your question.

At this time in your life you may feel like you are alone - but you're not - reach out for the support that's waiting to help you - reach out to us:-)

So go ahead, ask anything you want while it's fresh in your mind.

Let your healing process begin....

Love and Romance: Are you Dancing the Dance of Love?

Are you looking for a fun idea to add love and romance to your relationship? If you want to dance the dance of love this may be for you…

When a client of mine came to me asking what she might do to surprise her husband for their anniversary I asked her what she had in mind. She complained there had not been much interactive fun in her relationship and so she wanted to do something that they could enjoy together.

 Since she loved to dance, we decided to create a Tango themed evening for her and her man in their home. It had been ages since she indulged her dancing passion so she was very excited to create a night of love and romance with some sensual tango tunes.

She later shared that when she put on the long satin red gloves and black fishnet stockings, her whole attitude changed and she became the tango. She felt alive, sexy, confident, and playful. Her husband responded so favorably to her alluring attitude that they danced and laughed for hours. She said he hasn’t stopped talking about their dance of love for weeks and they both agree it was one of the best nights of their marriage.

So, now it’s your turn. Invite your lover to tango for a memorable night of love and romance.

Relationship Advice: 5 Steps to Get the Romance Back in Your Relationship

A client recently asked if I had any relationship advice on how to get the romance back in her marriage. When I asked what she had already tried she responded with, “nothing, I’m really looking for tips to give my husband.”

Now, I know many of you are on the same page as this gal, so here’s the most important relationship advice I can give to you - have you thought about what the cost of “doing nothing” romantically is doing to your relationship? If you want to dodge the divorce dragon, you can’t leave it all up to your man. You need to implement some fun idea’s on your own to create the relationship you want and deserve.

Now’s the time to throw out the rules of society and all those limiting beliefs that don’t serve your fantastical vision of love so that you can live, laugh, and love with total freedom! Forget about what you’ve been raised to believe about who should do the romancing – step outside the box by taking these 5 steps:

Step #1
Assess the current state of your romantic relationship

Step #2
Define what you want

Step #3
Discover what’s holding you back from having what you want

Step #4
Empower yourself with permission to have what you want

Step #5
Take responsibility to fire up your own engines and create some sensual romantic interludes.

If you follow this relationship advice and unleash your Self, you will get the romance back in your relationship. Another bonus- you’ll improve your connection to Self, your lover and your fabulous friends who will support and encourage your fun and flirty escapades. It’s an overall win/win – woohoo!

Life Long Friends Are the Joy of Life!

What was the highlight of your week-end?

Mine was getting together with my dearest of friends to celebrate Alex’s birthday…see him in the photo – he’s the handsome Italian in black! We had a blast at a charming, intimate, Indian restaurant in Westwood sharing family stories, reliving travel tales,  talking philosophy and just connecting.

The evening reminded me how precious friends are - the true joy of life.  Where would we be without our core group of peeps. They love you, laugh with you, and help you face your insecurities. They bring you chocolate when you’re down and champagne when you’re on fire.  Every adventure is made more fun when your fab friends are by your side to share the experience and give you the courage to step outside your comfort zone and try new things.

With everyone’s life spiraling out of control with stress and responsibilities – it’s super important to make the time to connect – to get and give that special nourishment to each other, reminding us who we are and what’s important.

I don’t know about you but I thank God for the pinky swear pact my friends and I made years ago to stay a part of each others life, no matter what challenges and changes have transpired. There is nothing as comforting as the familiarity of old friends who know you inside and out and love you for everything you are.

So take a moment and give a silent prayer of thanks for each and every one of your pals and then let them know via card, call, email or text how grateful you are for their love and support. Friends are definitely the joy of life!

Relationship Advice: 3 Intimacy Idea's That Work!

Do you crave more intimacy in your life? What if I gave you some relationship advice that would guarantee instant intimacy – would you put it into action? Fabulous, I knew you were up for it! Here we go…

#1
Full body hug – none of this barely touching, Howard Hughes hugging. No, no, no. You’ve got to engage in a front on, full body hug – where you really hold each other, smell each other and feel each other’s heart beat. The nurturing and caring involved in this embrace will slow you down enough to open the heart and relax into an intimate moment. Who knows where it might lead:-)
#2
A 20 second sexy smooch – this is an unexpected 20 second kiss - so maybe lay it on your man just before he leaves for work – this will definitely get his juices flowing and you can bet he will not be working overtime tonight. Your sensual kiss will be lingering on his mind all day – he’ll be counting the moments till he can walk through the door and ravish you! Be ready!
#3
Zip it – ok gals I know how much we love to talk and share but when your man comes home at night, let him unwind and get settled before you bombard him with the day’s events. Whether that means 15 minutes or an hour you’ll know, he’ll give you the cue. He’ll appreciate the down time and be much more available to listen to you which will make you feel valued and far more connected. Win/win:-)

There you go - put this relationship advice into action and you'll have instant intimacy!

Relationship Advice: Yoga Dissolves Stress

I am in love with yoga! Any of you girls tried it? I started practicing after my divorce several years ago and it totally helped take the edge off that emotional rollercoaster ride. Since then I enjoy the practice for its intimacy – yes intimacy… I find it’s very personal and helps me get back in touch with my feminine essence and true inner beauty.

And then there’s its wonderful reward of peace and bliss that I absolutely adore. Although I am in a much better place today I still rely on my practice to take out the stress of the day and connect me with the purity of my soul.

 My yoga guru's Bryan Kest and Govindas  explain the meaning of yoga to be the total balance of mind, body and spirit. A confronting discipline for sure as each pose mimics the challenges you face in life, but personal growth is pretty much guaranteed.

Well no wonder this is absolutely the best fix for all you "Type A" career gals and "power moms" who may feel like life is spiraling out of control at times and need some me time.

 It's the modern day Fountain of Youth as it gives these five benefits which seem to be craved by so many women:

 • Peace – focusing on your breath for 1 1/2 hours doesn’t allow you to think about anything else.

• Strength – every pose requires physical strength, which in turn gives you emotional strength.

• Balance – Yoga balances your yin and yang.

• Centeredness – dynamic breathing aligns mind, body and spirit.

 • Clarity – setting your intention for clarity will clear your confusion.

So if you find yourself in need of some mental housekeeping, don’t wait to give yourself the gift of this cleansing discipline - get on a mat today!! You are far too valuable not to be living fully in your feminine power.